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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone of your Daily, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to access the restrooms during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|